I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
