Welp...herpes.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Randomize
