I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
