I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
