In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
