I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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