Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
