he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
