she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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