Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
