There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
