No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
