i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
