I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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