I hate your face
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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