I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
