My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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