turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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