This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
