If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
