so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
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I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
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She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
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Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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