he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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