ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
