I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
