The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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