it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
