Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
