BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
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Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
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Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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