Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
