ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize