It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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