Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
