Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
