woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
