This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
this just has baby written all over it
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
