Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
