I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
