What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
