best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
