I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
