dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
