that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I will pee on everything he values.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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