part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
