Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize