3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
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