YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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