i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
