Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
