Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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