apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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