it wasn't lemon gatorade
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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