That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
