He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
