dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
