We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
