dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
