saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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