did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
