arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize