theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
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