honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
