Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
