Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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