Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
