okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
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I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
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Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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