i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize