So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
